The Talk - Feb. 16 2007

The Talk

Earlier this week I had a small conversation with my host father. This might turn to be the longest conversation I have with him ever. We talked for a good 10 minutes about the router problem. I restated that the router had nothing to do with his computer being slow and that I could help him fix his problems, but he doesn’t seem to trust me and absolutely wants his programmer friend to take check it out, and then when he gets the “ok” from his friend, he should reconnect the router. Until then I have very limited internet connection, limited to the free time I have at school, which, having 5 courses is very little. Unless I stay late at school to work on the computers, but that would defeat the purpose of being in home stay.

The conversation went well, I had been thinking about what I would tell my host father without seeming confrontational and without pushing the idea that he doesn’t know anything about computers. It is a pretty delicate situation and I certainly didn’t want to do a cultural faux-pas, let alone worsening the relationship between us. I also thought about the timing, when would be the right time to talk to him. There are very few moments that the father is actually alone, and that is when he takes his bath. In the evening, the husband is always the first to take his bath, followed by the guest, and the bathing room is conveniently situated right next to my room so when the father is done, he knocks on my door and tells me that it’s my turn.

That night I was waiting for him to knock on my door so I could initiate the conversation just the two of us. I started by: chotto ii? The conversation was mainly a one sided conversation with the father just repeating to wait a bit until his friend takes a look at his computer no matter how I tell him. However, there were some explanations about the decision to suspend the use of the router: this was all new to him and he wasn’t sure what to do and his wife got mad because the computer was not working correctly so he had no choice but to disconnect the router.

This was almost a week ago now, and nothing has changed, and I did take his word with a grain of salt because something we have to know about Japanese people is “hone”. They have this innate reflex of wanting everyone to be ok and undisturbed around them, which is closely related to “wa”; harmony in everything. Sometimes, though it can be misinterpreted by foreigners, they even say things just to please others or to avoid conflict. So I might be in this situation right now. I think it would be perfectly legitimate for me to ask for clarifications, but I don’t want to be pushy and there is only so much I can do. Since then the only word I exchange with the father is “hai” when it’s time to take my bath. But it has to be noted that, in my limited experience anyway, fathers don’t seem to be all that talkative in the family environment.